A Glance at Marriage Preparation, A Genius of an Idea

I was in a meeting with our two priests and Brenda, our marriage coordinator, today and I heard a few things that perked my pastoral ears. If your parishes and dioceses are like mine, they offer engaged couples a number of options to prepare them for marriage. A quick rundown:

- Pre-Cana Conferences. The Diocese of Peoria describes it as “a day-long marriage preparation conference designed to assist engaged couples in preparing for their life-long vocation of marriage. (It) consists of a series of presentations providing basic instruction on the nature of Christian marriage: its essential elements, God’s plan for marriage and family life, the importance of communication, time for couple discussion and a question-and-answer session to assist you to make the beauty of our marriage doctrine a living reality.”

- Sponsor or Mentor Couples. The Diocese of St Cloud has a good summary here. It somewhat models the catechumenate in that an experienced couple in a parish takes an engaged couple under their wing for four to six meetings. There is a program to cover certain aspects such as praying together, life in the parish as a married couple, and sometimes the sponsor couple will address relationship issues that have surfaced during a psychological inventory. Things like attitudes toward money, children, sex, etc..

- Engaged Encounter (EE) is a spinoff of Marriage Encounter. My wife and I experienced both and this was very helpful in strenthening our relationship. It involves a weekend away at a hotel or retreat center.

Other offerings through the parish, deanery, or diocese might include workshops on Natural Family Planning, or on the wedding liturgy.

My sensible wife, when we were engaged, told the parish priest we were going to exercise all our options, because, as she put it, “We needed all the help we could get.” As two singles in our late thirties, it might be that we were somewhat more mature than some engaged couples. But we were not without issues. Nor were we without the humility that other people had a lot they could teach us about being married.

Pre-Cana we found less than helpful. We met a wonderful couple who “sponsored” us and graciously opened their home to us for a handful of meetings. Bob even drove his all-terrain vehicle to rescue us on our post-blizzard wedding day to get us to the church on time. We had a very rich experience on EE. When couples ask for my input, I urge them to go to Engaged Encounter.

My pastor remarked today that some couples blanch at the commitment of Engaged Encounter. It’s a whole weekend. If it’s at a hotel, it can be a significant chunk of money. Fr Jon, like my wife and me, recommends EE. But he also gives his couples a genius of an idea. If the budget is tight, contact godparents. Ask them to sponsor the Engaged Encounter weekend as a wedding gift instead of a toaster or a plasma tv. What serious godparent, he asked, wouldn’t want to strengthen and deepen the faith of a young couple?

I just had to pass that idea out in the blogosphere. In fact, if and when my goddaughter is preparing for marriage, I plan to make the pre-emptive offer. As engagements start racking up in the years ahead, maybe you other godparents can ponder it, too.

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About catholicsensibility

Todd and his family live in Ames, Iowa. He serves a Catholic parish of both Iowa State students and town residents.
This entry was posted in Ministry, Rite of Marriage. Bookmark the permalink.

3 Responses to A Glance at Marriage Preparation, A Genius of an Idea

  1. John Donaghy says:

    Typical Seda! He can offer very interesting, out of the ordinary suggestions.

  2. Mollie says:

    That is a great idea! I also recommend EE whenever I have a chance. One selling point, so to speak, is that I think it really puts the couple in control of what kind of marriage-prep experience they have — even with the best possible team presenting the retreat, it’s ultimately up to you to take it seriously and use your time together well. People who find the Pre-Cana model makes them feel like they’re in traffic school will, I think, find less to complain about with EE.

  3. Patti says:

    EE was the last time that I had to share a bedroom with a stranger of the same sex. She, and her intended, and several other couples on our weekend were definitely not “into it.” It was an admitted last gasp at wedding prep so that they could get married on the days that they had chosen. We did, however, have a wonderful couple who lead the weekend and an equally wonderful couple who mentored us through pre-Canna. I would strongly recommend doing both.

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