“I’m with the church. I’m just not with hate,” said Father Martin Kurylowicz.
This guy professed celibacy, but he’s still out on his duff. Turns out that his revelation of being homosexual dates back nine years, but his suspension is due to being incommunicado with the bishop.
I wonder why his sexual orientation was even brought up in the news report.
Also, I think some would question why he would surface his sexual orientation at all. I can see how other Catholics would benefit from the example, particularly if he reinforces his celibate lifestyle. Otherwise, we have a Church made up of closeted homosexuals, or those who are out of the closet and who confront the issue of sexual activity directly.
It seems a no-brainer to me, but maybe non-straight folks or anti-knowledge people have something else to say. Go for it.
Catholic Sensibility 
I think that I clarified my stance on celibacy in
The Grand Rapids Press, October 2005:
“Kurylowicz insists the real issue is
celibacy for both gays and heterosexuals,
which he says should be optional. “
I also made the statement about the devastating psychological harm that the Vatican teaching on homosexuality has on people and is Vatican ready to compensate these people for the harm they caused them.
“Kids as young as 4 or 5 know they’re different,” said Kurylowicz, a psychotherapist at the Guidance Center in Southgate with a private practice in Canton. “They grow up with this pervasive guilt, which sabotages their growth and motivation.”
The result is thousands of dollars in therapy to accept their natural orientation, he said, adding,
“Does the Vatican want to take that on, like the tobacco industry had to take on for the damage it caused consumers?”
Below a copy of the this article.
______________________________________________________
The Grand Rapids Press
Saturday, May 27, 2006
By Charley Honey
Religion Editor
Editor’s note: This story was first published on October 8, 2005, reprinted today May 27, 2006.
The Grand Rapids Press
October 8, 2005
Ban on gay priests heats up
When the Rev. Martin Kurylowicz came out to his Sparta parish eight years ago, he said he had struggled for years with his homosexuality.
The Catholic priest says the struggle would be made harder for many others if the Vatican issues new rules that reportedly would ban gays from becoming priests.
The Vatican is expected to issue the rules soon, according to The New York Times and other news outlets. The rules reportedly would ban gay candidates for the priesthood, including those who are celibate, but would not apply to those already ordained.
However, a story Friday by the National Catholic Reporter quoted a Vatican official as saying seminaries will be told to exercise “prudential judgment” to not admit gays if they have not demonstrated a capacity to be celibate for at least three years, if they are active in a “gay culture” and if their orientation is sufficiently strong as to make an all-male environment a risk.
Kurylowicz, now working as a psychotherapist and part-time priest near Detroit, says even such a qualified ban would psychologically damage gay youths already having difficulty accepting their sexuality.
“I sizzled when I read it,” said Kurylowicz, 55. “It’s very hurtful, is what it is. In this day and age, there’s no reason for it. “It sends a message that there’s something wrong with gays.”
During Holy Week of 1997, Kurylowicz told members of Holy Family Catholic Church, where he served 12 years, that he was a celibate homosexual.
The announcement came shortly before he took an educational leave to study psychology at the University of Michigan and Madonna University. He continues his studies and has not returned to the diocese.
Then-Bishop Robert Rose took no action against Kurylowicz, saying his views were in line with Catholic teaching.
Kurylowicz said he spoke out then to raise awareness of violence against gays and teach others homosexuality is not a choice but an inborn trait. Church leaders still don’t understand that and contribute to gays’ poor self-esteem, he said.
“Kids as young as 4 or 5 know they’re different,” said Kurylowicz, a psychotherapist at the Guidance Center in Southgate with a private practice in Canton. “They grow up with this pervasive guilt, which sabotages their growth and motivation.”
The result is thousands of dollars in therapy to accept their natural orientation, he said, adding,
“Does the Vatican want to take that on, like the tobacco industry had to take on for the damage it caused consumers?”
Others defend the Vatican’s right to impose the restrictions, saying they would simply enforce existing doctrine. Catholic catechism calls homosexuality “objectively disordered,” and a 1961 church document discouraged ordaining those with “perverse inclinations to homosexuality or pederasty.”
“I don’t think we can fault a pope for being Catholic and trying to implement not what he created himself, but received from the church,” said the Rev. Joseph Fessio, provost of Ave Maria University in Florida.
A frequent critic of U.S. seminaries, Fessio recently told the Religion Newswriters Association the rules could increase enrollment because many seminaries have screened out those “who will not accept the gay agenda.”
But an activist for gay Catholics argued the rules would perpetuate “structures of secrecy” and compel gays to hide their orientation.
“It will repeat the conditions that produced the sexual abuse scandal here in the United States,” said Sister Jeannine Gramick, cofounder of New Ways Ministries for gays and lesbians.
Kurylowicz insists the real issue is
celibacy for both gays and heterosexuals,
which he says should be optional.
The church needs to discuss sexuality more candidly and heed Jesus’ teachings more closely, he said.
“Jesus never said one word about homosexuality,” Kurylowicz said. “He said, ‘Be careful not to hurt one of these little ones of mine.’ “
Marty, thanks for commenting here. On this site and elsewhere I’ve advocated for optional celibacy for diocesan clergy. While I see the openness about sexual orientation may have been troubling for some people, I don’t see it as a problem, as long as the “outing” was healthy and in perspective.
That said, the Roman system at present mandates celibacy for diocesan clerics. That’s the way it is and everybody knows it. Since it is part of the ecclesiastical landscape, it should be taken as a given. Mature adults know what they’re getting into. Otherwise they have no business being ordained. Or if they have a change of mind or heart, of staying in active ministry.
I can sympathize with an adult who, after ordination, undergoes personal churning about their past and vital aspects of their nature. At that point, the honorable thing to do is to resolve the inner turmoil. One way or the other.
Long Christian tradition, dating back to when Western clergy were married, would have such turmoil a settled issue by the time of ordination. It’s one reason why I think ordination of a candidate younger than forty is almost always a premature idea, if not a bad one.
Children Growing-up Gay & Vatican’s Impact Harmful
Written by
Martin S. Kurylowicz, M.Div., M.S., Canton, Michigan
February 15, 2008 Diocese of Grand Rapids
Galileo Galilei born, February 15, 1564
The Vatican’s pronouncements against homosexuality are unsubstantiated and are harmful to everyone, particularly to very young children. Richard Isay, Psychoanalyst, Professor of Psychiatry, Cornell University Medical School, found in his clinical studies that children as young as 4 and 5 years of age, who grow up to be gay, know that they are different. The Vatican norms influence the social environment of a child, fostering developmental disruptions in the expression of their sexual orientation and the formation of secure human attachments. This has resonating effects throughout their lifetime. It damages, in early childhood, the core part of a human being that hopes and believes that his/her needs for love are valid and permissible, which pushes the child into the direction of a depressive state of hopelessness for life. (Jack Drescher, M.D. and Henry Krystal, M.D.)
IT IS IMPORTANT TO REMEMBER that it has been noted that homosexuals who are not raised in environments influenced by the Vatican’s pronouncements against homosexuality or the like, do not display any unusual symptoms that would separate them out from the general population. They tend to live lives that are full, productive and well adjusted, combined with a strong network of close and enduring relationships. This paper is addressing specifically the harmful effects experienced by those who were raised in environments influenced by the Vatican’s pronouncements against homosexuality.
The Vatican pronouncements against homosexuality are as archaic as the pronouncements used against Galileo, in 1633, which condemned him, as a heretic, for claiming
“the earth revolves around the sun,” contradiction to the Vatican’s interpretation of the bible that it is “the sun that revolves around the earth. ”Historians have described this conflict between the Vatican and Galileo, as the arrogance of authority vs freedom, and identifying the aspects that led the Vatican to make this error in judgment. The Vatican was the (1) sole source for interpreting the bible, objectivity was lost and the interpretations were
biased to fit the unchallenged traditional constructs, that (2) opposed the free search for truth. Without the freedom of expression of ideas, the Vatican then becomes tightly insulated from any new knowledge that challenges their interpretations, which leads the Vatican to (3) rejecting the scientific findings of
its time. (Fr. Jerome J. Langford, O.P.)
These aspects are similar to the symptoms know as “groupthink” a concept from social psychology. (Irving Janis) “Groupthink” identifies a mode of thinking that develops in highly cohesive groups, where members tend to strive to be unified, agreeable and cooperative with each other. It is difficult to imagine how such benign qualities in groups, like the Vatican, which has the most honorable intentions and dedication to strenuously labor for achieving the best decisions that will be the most beneficial for people to experience the fullness of God’s love and blessings, however, in reality the outcome can unintentionally be quite the opposite. Making decisions that become problematic, causing unintentional violence, even murder to millions of innocent children and adults. What happens in groups to cause such devastating results? It is this effort among members to be in unity and conformity, which can be easily be mistaken as group consensus. However, this kind conformity unintentionally suppresses critical thinking and motives members to avoid conflicts, or being too harsh in judgments or criticisms. “Groupthink” can happen in many groups, families, communities, organizations, etc. However, in groups similar to the Vatican, this type of “groupthink” conformity is much harder to identify. Because this type of conformity can easily be confused, when it is under the disguise of the most sincerest efforts to faithfully be obedient to Christ’s central command to love, which is that we are to live as one, in love and peace with one another. Though, in scripture Christ provides many qualifications about the kind of love he commands of his followers. In the gospels, Christ is portrayed in numerous situations challenging and confronting the statues quo and false love, i.e. calling Peter satin, fierce physical anger shown in the temple area using a whip and kicking over tables, making the statement, such as, that he did not come to bring peace to this world, etc. Christ provides a number of remedies for “groupthink,” symptoms which are the kind that Irving Janis names as remedies, i.e. to name a few, critical evaluator (warnings about false pride, and all forms of greed, helping the least among you, etc.), checking warning signs (when all think well of you, security in possessions, if your light is darkness how deep that darkness will be), challenging insulation of an in-group (not to invite people who will repay you, invite people who cannot repay you).
“Groupthink” is a situation that occurs in groups vulnerable to making faulty decisions. The groups vulnerable to “groupthink” are described as highly cohesive groups, members having similar background, the group is insulated from opposing views from outside of the group, lack tradition of impartial leadership, the group is responsible for making quality decisions, and not having clear rules that are well defined for making decisions. The symptoms of “groupthink” are not done deliberately or intentionally, which is why it is difficult to detect them, without any objective forms of remedies. Some symptoms of “groupthink” are (a) the group overestimates their abilities, i.e. as in knowing all aspects of an excessively complex situations, or subjects, (b) members feel pressured not to challenge the established assumed group consensus, (c) among all members there is an unquestionable belief in the inherent morality of their in-group, (d) collectively the members construct rationalizations to avoid any questioning of the reasons for recommitting to past decision, (e) they form stereotypes of the “enemy groups” and their leaders i.e., as evil, stupid, weak, (f) the group discourages: individual critical thinking, reality testing, presenting negative feedback, (g) mindguards, group protect members from adverse information disturbing group shared complacency about morality of past decisions.
Every now and then, a surprising figure arises, inspired by a fuller understanding of Christ’s love and willingly confronts the fierce opposition of complacency, with the hope to initiate a resiliency of love for all people, ending all forms of hatred. Pope John Paul II was one of these figures, who in an unprecedented gesture of humility, in 1992, publically apologized to Galileo for the Vatican’s error and declared him “not guilty,” 359 years later. Pope John Paul II’s purpose for this gesture was to stress that the Church does not reject scientific progress and is not opposed to the free search for truth. He stressed that there are no irreconcilable differences between science and religion, stating “Science can purify religion from error and superstition. Religion can purify science from idolatry and false absolutes.” In 2000, Pope John Paul II’s unwavering persistence to right the wrongs of the Church in the past, and despite the resistance from inside the Vatican, he was unstoppable. On March 12, 2000, he went to make a public apology, asking forgiveness from God for sins committed by the Church, against groups of people, “We are asking pardon for the divisions among Christians, for the use of violence that some have committed in the service of truth, and for attitudes of mistrust and hostility assumed towards followers of other religions.” Pope John Paul II pleaded for the hope that “Never again,” would the Church repeat these kinds of violence. (Rory Carroll) Pope John Paul II began a process of removing the blindness of Church authorities caused by years of arrogance, he was replacing it with humility so as to open new ways to understanding and unity. This unprecedented act of humility, his public apology for the Church’s past sins, rekindles a sense of hope, in the Church. It was similar to the way Pope John XXIII, inspired hope by his words calling for the Second Vatican Council, 1962, “I want to throw open the windows of the Church so that we can see out and the people can see in.” These unprecedented public acts made by world church leaders generates hope, which should not be dismissed too readily because the light of hope does not shine yet in all areas of human life. It is the work of hope to keep it alive, giving it birth in areas where hope has yet to shine.
The light of hope needs yet to shine on the Vatican’s process for formulating their pronouncements against homosexuality as intrinsically disordered, because it remains untouched, and follows the same process that led the Vatican to falsely condemn Galileo. The Vatican states the bible as the source of authority to condemn homosexuality, as they did to condemn Galileo. But this authority of the bible is (1) based solely on the Vatican’s interpretation of the bible, which lacks impartiality and therefore is not an objective interpretation to reach truth. Instead, it becomes exceedingly vulnerable in perpetuating a systematic error or truth, the Vatican intentionally formulated interpretations to fit the unchallenged traditional
constructs of the past. As proven to be the case with Galileo, the Vatican’s interpretation of the bible remained consistent with the accepted tradition of the Church and dogmatically stated
as the truth from God that it is the sun that revolves around the earth. Therefore Galileo was accused of contradicting God. The Vatican has made this same kind of error regarding homosexuality. The Vatican interprets the bible
as attesting to the fact that homosexuality is intrinsically disordered and states that this interpretation by the Vatican is consistent with the same moral judgment “…found in many Christian writers of the 1st centuries and is unanimously accepted by Catholic Tradition.” (Vatican’s Congregation For The Doctrine of The Faith, previously called the Congregation For Universal Inquisition, held by Cardinal Ratzinger until becoming Pope Benedict XVI)
The Vatican (2) continues to remain closed to the free search for truth, by not taking in consideration the scientific research on the topic of homosexuality. There is a tremendous amount of psychological research data, complied over decades, from around the world. However, the Vatican, limits the consideration of this information to one sentence, which is found in the section on homosexuality, that is composed of 230 words in length, in the Catechism of the Catholic Church. Even the latest scientific data related to gender, gender identity, human sexuality, sexual orientation, etc. (3) is not open for consideration by the Vatican, the importance of which is is rejected. Even though the research data from Gender Studies, alerts us to the fact that gender, gender identity is considerably more complex, than previously known, i.e. that it is fluid. It has broaden our understandings about gender, allowing for more insight into how people relate and function, which renders obsolete many traditional views about gender. Research studies on Core Gender Identity, which is defined as a person’s own sense of identification as male or female, are in ways “braincoded” and not necessarily dependent the genitalia of the person. In the late 1990’s, research from a Gender Studies presented at a conference, at an APA Convention, announced that we should not be thinking about only 2 genders, but more likely 2000 genders. The discrete categories once used to describe gender and sexual orientation, are now, from more recent research data, suggesting tremendous variability, which has implications that involves the entire human race. At this point, it seems that science is once again at the same critical juncture where it was
for Galileo in 375 years ago. However, the Vatican is insistent on making the same mistake, just like it did , in 1633, stating as truth that “the sun revolves around the earth” only now the Vatican is stating “there are only two discrete genders.” This information likely sounds as stocking to the Vatican and to many others, today , as hearing , 375 years ago “ the earth revolves around the sun .“
The Vatican repeats this mistake by holding on to their pronouncements against homosexuality, which are not based on objective principles from the bible or science. This is a serious mistake that fosters inaccuracies about human sexuality that are then incorporated into social norms, which incites various forms of implicit and explicit violence, on a specific population of people, most especially including children. However, the effects of these various forms of violence are injurious in numerous way to parents, family members, relatives and friends, which is far beyond the Vatican’s intended targeted group. In light, of the above mention findings from gender studies research data, the Vatican pronouncements against homosexuality
are outdated, lacking clarity, and specificity in content. The Vatican’s recommendations and directives are intended for homosexuals around the world are questionable at best and seriously harmful at worst. “Homosexual persons are called to chastity. By the virtues of self-mastery that teach them inner freedom, at times by the support of disinterested friendship, by prayer and sacramental grace, they can and should gradually and resolutely approach Christian perfection.” (Catechism of the Catholic Church) What is the definition and meaning of the support of disinterested friendships? There are serious concerns and questions, as to what this means and how it relates to healthy relationships with others, with oneself and the psychological well-being of a person.
****************************
IT IS IMPORTANT TO REMEMBER, this paper
is addressing issues related to those children at 4
and 5 years of age, who grow up to be gay, know that they are different. They do not know they are gay, at 4 and 5 years of age, only that they are different. It is only years later, in retrospect, can they identified what “different” meant and understand that it had to do with their early childhood uninhibited expression of love being expressed through their sexual orientation and core gender identity. It is important to remembered that the Vatican’s outdated concept of homosexuality is inadequate and does not, in anyway, begin to explain the astounding complexity involved. From gender studies, it is understood that within the old defined categories of homosexuality, heterosexuality, gender, gender
identity, and sexual orientation, there is great variability and having more fluidity then once understood. What this means is that not everyone who grows up to be gay remembers feeling different as young as 4 and 5 years of age. This begins to show evidence of the some of the variability that is involved.
From my personal experience of the Vatican’s pronouncements against homosexuality has had a significant harmful effect in my life beginning, as a child growing up and throughout my adult
life. As a child, I was educated in Catholic schools from 1st through 12th grade, including in college and graduate studies in theology. In those first twelve years of Catholic education, it
was taught continuously in our catechism classes that homosexuality was evil and such people were meant to suffer in hell. It was not until, I was in the 7th grade, on a weekly visit to the public library, I read through a book on Freud and found the first words, by a respected world renowned authority, that were not condemning about homosexuality. However, from the beginning in early childhood, the Vatican’s negative message about homosexuality are unintentionally and implicitly conveyed in subtle ways to a child, by parents and other the adults in the life of the child. These messages are coming from the effects of social norms of the adults, who they themselves have been strongly influenced, over the years, by the Vatican’s pronouncements against homosexuality. Even at a very young age these subtle negative messages do cause a number of fears and confusion to a child, who grows up to be gay. It seems the parents make interventions to their child generally out concern
and worries about their child’s future safety in the world, which are motivated by a reaction if their child’s behavioral deviates from the gender specific social norms.
It was only in my late 30’s that a Trappist Abbot, challenged my thinking that I thought I was bad because I was “gay.” To my great surprised, the Abbot responded to me sternly, however warmly saying, “Who told you that you were bad!?! You are “gay”! This is a gift from God.” The abbot went on to say, with a sense of empathic moral surety, “You need to work on ‘coming out’ to yourself, first, learning to appreciate who you are and to begin feeling good about yourself, as a gay person.” This was
entirely the complete opposite from what I was taught throughout my life by the Vatican. The Abbot was the very first person I had ever “come out” to in my life. I never before felt such
concern and understanding and respect. This began a very long, extensive and expensive process of reversing years of the harm caused by the Vatican pronouncements against homosexuality. I drove twice a week from Grand Rapids to Detroit for counseling, because, as a priest, I was privy to too much personal information about too many people and priests in the Grand Rapids area, (where I grew up, and stationed, at the time) for me to feel comfortable enough to speak freely to be in therapy in Grand Rapids.
Besides therapy, as part of the “coming out” process, on Sundays, I would finish mass at noon, change out from wearing the roman collar, into my civvies and drive 3 hours from Grand Rapids area, to Detroit to Affirmations (The Community Center for Lesbian, gay, bisexual & Transgender People) in Ferndale, MI to attend “coming out” sessions, where I was just another gay person. I never disclosed, the fact that I was a priest. If I was asked about my work, I would say, I work for human resources. My first time, at Affirmations, I was beyond scared, I prayed the whole 3 hours driving from Grand Rapids to Detroit and when I arrived and entered the session, I was stunned, as I was looking around the room. I remember saying to myself, “These people all look normal!!!” Afterwards, I kept on asking myself, what was I
running from all my life! It was at, Affirmation, where I felt my life began but it was also the place where I saw and learned about so much injustice and violence that is directed, at LGBT (Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual, & Transgender) people. And as a priest, I felt somehow responsible for
this injustice continuing and the duty to speak out against this injustice. I felt guilty for the years I felt bad about myself and all the negative stereotypes, I had in my head about gay people. Affirmations, helped me to begin healing, forgiving myself and to begin for the first time, in my life, to feel good about who I was!!! I was so grateful for all the people who worked and volunteered there and for all the risk they had to face to “come out” and feel good enough about themselves be to so helpful to others, like me, helping us to do the same. Now, that was a gift from God.
Since, I was already driving twice weekly from Grand Rapids to Detroit , I began taking classes at U of M, in Ann Arbor, in psychology and got involved in the U of M LGBT Office attending functions and classes. Next, I heard about PFLAG (Parents, Families, & Friends of Lesbians & Gays & Transgendered Persons) and began attending meetings. PFLAG is one of the most supportive and affirming groups, because it was made up of tons of parents. Imagine! Parents supporting their LGBT children, this is truly a gift from God. These parents I truly believe, will be the very first people in heaven, with nonstop tickets. Their love is so strong, reassuring and so full of hope that everything is going to be all right that it leaves you feeling calmer, better and above all “hopeful” that you have a right to be happy, too! Here to I saw the grief, the stress and concerns of 100’s of parents, which just should not be. I would feel so responsible being a priest that somehow the Vatican has to help these people, and begin to follow these parents their examples of working hard to make the world a safer place for all Children. My first time attending mass at Dignity Detroit, I was in awe, such a holy place, which had nothing to do with the building where the Mass was being celebrate, it was all about the people who were there to celebrate the Mass. All these LGBT people, PFLAG people, and many other people, all singing. I mean, all singing!!! Like, I never heard a congregation sing before. No one could dispute that fact that Christ was truly, more than any other place I have ever been to, present among all those people. It was like a slice of heaven!
And then one day, in 1997, in March, I was attending a conference, in Pittsburgh called the New Ways Ministry (A gay-positive ministry of advocacy and justice for lesbian and gay Catholics and reconciliation within the larger Christian and civil communities), another wonderful gift from God. Here I heard for the first time, Dr. Richard Isay, speak about children, as young as, 4 and 5 years of age, who grow up to be gay that they know that they are different. Dr. Isay ‘s address was emotionally quite revealing and in many ways traumatic for me. I realize that I was
younger than 4 years of age and when knew I was gay, looking back in time. I could see all the harm that was done by the Vatican pronouncements against homosexuality, because
at the young age of three, I did not willfully choose to be gay, to be evil or to do anything wrong, so deserving to be sent to hell. It was here, March 7 – 9, 1997, quite by accident, unexpectedly so, I was asked, if my name could be used in a newspaper article in connection with the convention. I felt that I was given an opportunity to help to make a difference. I was sure, at the time, there had to be someone else who would be better at “coming out” publically than me. However, I have said many times, in defense for my reasons for “coming out,” “When you see a child on the train tracks of an oncoming speeding train, you don’t think about anything else but to grab the kid to safety!” I knew too much by then and saw too much to remain silent while innocent children, who grow up to be gay should have to suffer needlessly their whole lives. I could not in good
conscience remain silent and safe while so many others were not, especially children. I especially, remembered the very stern warnings that Christ made to anyone who harms one ot these his little ones. In March 1997, I came out publically to my parish, Holy Family Parish, Sparta, MI, with the hopes of drawing attention to children, who grow up to be gay and the pervasive harm that the Vatican causes by their pronouncements against homosexuality.
The Vatican is responsible for causing harm and violence to millions of children and adults. And that the Vatican will in the same way, as the tobacco companies had to compensate their consumers for the life threatening damage and deaths they caused by their cigarette products, the Vatican will have to compensate for the harm caused to millions of people globally by their pronouncements against homosexuality. There are parents, who most faithfully believed that they were doing the best for their teenagers, by faithfully in enforcing these Vatican pronouncements against homosexuality on their teenage sons or daughters and only to find that their teenagers ended up committing suicide. They believe that they were doing what was right by God and the Church, because the Vatican presented their pronouncements against homosexuality, as if they were coming from God, the same as they did with Galileo, dogmatically confirming that it is “…the sun that revolves around the earth.” The Vatican needs to once again hear the words of Pope John XXIII about opening windows to see out and to follow Pope John Paul II unprecedented act of humility that leads to new understandings and by doing so the Vatican will be teaching us all by example that every individual is called to do the
same. The master teacher to follow in this effort, as we know is Christ, in applying the remedies that Christ alerts us all to, found in the Gospels. They are consistent with the remedies listed for the prevention of the symptoms of “groupthink” that cause the making of faulty decisions that are life threatening to all people around the globe.
IT IS IMPORTANT TO REMEMBER that it has been extensively noted that those children who do grow up to be gay, BUT DO NOT grow up in environments strongly influenced by these Vatican pronouncements against homosexuality, or the like overwhelming tend to live more fuller, well adjusted, and productive lives than those who do.
Presently, there are no civil laws to protect gays, LGBT children, teenagers and adults….this is truly wrong in the eyes of God and will soon change. Christ in the temple.
I explained to my bishop that my only fault was that I wanted to get healthy and to learn more. But in the process I learned too much and in the end I knew too much to keep silent, especially when children are being harmed, by the Vatican’s pronouncements against homosexuality.
March 4, 2008
Martin S. Kurylowicz, M.Div., M.S.
Canton, Michigan
Fr. Marty (that’s how I remember you):
I was a member of your parish as a child, and I can still remember the day you came out to our parish on TV. At the time, I was a silenced lesbian. Today, I am very open about my sexuality, and I work as an activist for LGBTQ students. I have been wanting to contact you for years now to perhaps have a discussion of how I can balance my faith and my lifestyle, a balance with which I still struggle (specifically, those feelings of guilt stamped on me as a child). Your courage gave me courage to live the life I live today, so even if I cannot connect with you, I still want to express my gratitude and send my prayers to you as a positive advocate, activist, and role model for our growing LGBTQ population.
Hi Dana,
Hey, you remember me, boy it’s been 11 years ago today! I appreciate your kinds words. I needed them today. Boy, was I scared “coming out.” But I felt morally obligated to so, in spite of many wishing I had not. I just don’t think many people, realize just how harmful their words against LGBTQ people can hurt very young children who grow up to be LGBTQ.
I am so glad to hear from you. LGBTQ is a good life. God made it that way. And you are an angel to be working for LGBTQ students. It is a good feeling, isn’t it. But the from the gender studies research, is telling us that gender identity may be found to be as distinctly different as DNA. So, the whole worlds’ population is involved in LGNBTQ, more than anyone ever knew.
Your faith is in God, which means that you are about all that is good and loving and true. The major sins are killing someone, lying, stealing, hurting someone deliberately, but loving someone has never been a sin, at least as, the way Jesus sees it. Being true and in love with someone, no matter who that person is, is living your faith.
Working for the LGBTQ community is given high praise by Christ, .. I was a stranger an you welcome me, I was considered the least and you made come alive… These are the forms of love the Christ wants us to live by (Matt 25: 45).
So, as far as, I can see you are balancing your faith and lifestyle, exactly the way Jesus wants us all to do.
What you may be having trouble with is balancing your life style with the not too Christlike practices found in the Vatican’s directions against LGBTQ people. And if this is your trouble then you are pretty healthy in your faith and because you are following Christ and not the blind leading the blind. For years, not knowing any better, I went along with the blind leading the blind mentality, to great harm to myself and many others.
Oh, one other thing, following Christ has never been easy, because most often you are following him alone.
What you may be missing is celebrating being a lesbian in the faith that you and I were brought up in. And yes, that hurts, a lot. I have found in Detroit, an organization called Dignity Detroit. This group is Catholic and celebrates the Catholic mass for all LGBTQ people and it feels like home. It is kind of wonderful, to experience a Catholic group being made up of nearly all LGBTQ people. PFLAG meetings is another place to find wonderful support and acceptance, and many parents can most often direct you individuals to churches that are LGBTQ friendly.
You can find my address on the internet by just punching in my name and Psychotherapist or therapist.
Thanks for writing and I pray for the best for you and your future,
Fr. Marty