We go deep into the deuterocanonical book of Sirach for this scarcely-used selection from the Wedding Lectionary. It derives from Wisdom literature, and like Tobit and the Song of Songs, has something of a poetic structure. Especially in verses 13-16 you can see the couplets of ideas.
The designers of the Lectionary have pulled out the positives from a rather long reflection (Sir 25:12-26:18) devoted to the contrast between good and evil women. Everything you read here at your wedding is the good:
Blessed the husband of a good wife, twice-lengthened are his days; A worthy wife brings joy to her husband, peaceful and full is his life. A good wife is a generous gift bestowed upon him who fears the Lord; Be he rich or poor, his heart is content, and a smile is ever on his face.
A gracious wife delights her husband, her thoughtfulness puts flesh on his bones; A gift from the Lord is her governed speech, and her firm virtue is of surpassing worth. Choicest of blessings is a modest wife, priceless her chaste soul. A holy and decent woman adds grace upon grace; indeed, no price is worthy of her temperate soul. Like the sun rising in the Lord’s heavens, the beauty of a virtuous wife is the radiance of her home.
Ben Sira, the author of the book, didn’t seem to have a positive view of women. He doesn’t dwell on the qualities of the ideal husband, and why would you expect him to? Sirach, like most Biblical books, were written by men for men. Missing also is the vital role of the parent, which we do find elsewhere in wisdom literature and in one or two of the wedding scriptures.
Given all that, this excision is a good meditation on the ideal wife. And being a good wife is part of having a good marriage. The late Fr Joseph Champlin, in his reflection on this passage in Together For Life, focused on the balance in adults between being able to stand alone, and being able to need and be needed in the marital relationship. Do we recognize the need for each spouse in turn, to adapt, to need and be needed?
Most sections for the wife only or for the husband only draw their share of snickers, rib pokes, and all. You need a skilled wedding homilist to get past that. Most couples just bypass the troublesome passages altogether. And that’s too bad. This one has some gems.
Catholic Sensibility 
Can you send me the Spanish version of the following readings:
Sirach 26:1-4, 13-16 “Like the sun rising in the Lord’s heavens, the beauty of a virtuous wife in the radiance of her home”
Proverbs 31:10-13, 19-20, 30-31 “Te Woman who fears de Lord is to be praised”
Thank you.
A lectionary can be found at this site: http://www.buenaprensa.com
I’m not aware of any Spanish-language Lectionary sites like the USCCB. But one can find many versions of the Bible online in Spanish–the main challenge is finding one approved for use at Mass.
I am looking for the peice from Sirach starting with the words; “A loving partner is a safe shelter”
Hi Alan,
You’re looking for Sirach 6:14-17, which in one translation I have is “a faithful friend is …”
I am looking for the french version of Sirach 26. 1-4, 13-16
My Parents are having their 50th. wedding anniversary this weekend and are renewing their vows. Can you please send me the reading from sirach 26,14,13-16. a.s.a.p.
I didn’t have this kind of wife in my first marriage which was only civil and thus not blessed by God. I repented of it after our divorce and will not make the same mistake. I long for this kind of wife and marriage as I actually had before my previous with the kind of woman described in chapter 25. Please pray for that for me soon and I will pray for all of you whom might need it. hanks and God bless you.
JD
hi! mr. jason d…well, maybe by this moment on, you finally find the woman that exactly meets your expectations..uhmm..but if not, one thing i will say to you as an advice is that, don’t pressure yourself in finding that woman, instead, keep on praying and ask for signs, for love can wait and it will come in the right place and in the right time.. God bless!!
Well I did find her! We’ve been married in the Catholic Church now for nearly 2 years. Our anniversary is July 14. I did take that advice back then and let go and it finally happened. We met in 2011, got engaged March 2012 and maried July 2012. We are equally yolked, she is all that is mentioned in Sirach and more. And we pray together, go to mass together, are best friends, and keep Christ the center of everything. Praise the Lord!! He is great! Still no children yet, that is our next major prayer without ceasing. And we’re in it together no matter what God has planned for us. I pray those of you that are still single and desiring that healthy marriage that you find them! God bless you!
I just realized and remembered that wicked women are also mentioned briefly in Sirach 26 as well, but in more detail in 25, which also mentions briefly the virtuous. My first wife was the exact wicked wife described in parts of 25 and 26. I do sometimes pray for her salvation, but now my desire for a virtuous woman described in these chapters is even greater, and I know they are hard to find. I am asking God, through Mary’s, St. Raphael’s, and my guardian angels’ intercession to help me find her and surround myself in the right areas to make it happen. Thanks for listening all of you out there and God bless you.
JD
Can you send me the Swedish version of this reading
Sirach 26:1-4, 13-16 “Like the sun rising in the Lord’s heavens, the beauty of a virtuous wife in the radiance of her home”
Thank you.
Agatha
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I have been trying to find a Norwegian translation of this reading for use at my wedding as I am marrying a Norwegian.
The book is not “apocryphal” — a protestant slander. We Catholics say “deuterocanonical.”
Thanks, John. Agreed.
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I recently heard this reading at Funeral and it made me feel sick. Damn those who believe such sexist tripe. I feel sorry for your wives
Except that some husbands believe this applies to them as well. Universal virtue is not sexism. But you are right in the assessment that such qualities being wished for only in women is indeed sexist.
Ben Sira was a misogynist, no doubt, regardless of his negative experiences with or views of women. That’s why all ancient literature, even some aspects of the Bible, need to be taken in careful perspective.
Where can I find this reading but in Portuguese?? I’m having a hard time tracking down a Portuguese bible!!!
Portuguese of Sirach (Sirácida) 23-31: www [dot] clerus [dot] org [slash] bibliaclerusonline [slash] es [slash] jhu [dot] htm
Chapter 26: 1 Feliz o homem que tem uma boa mulher, pois, se duplicará o número de seus anos.
2 A mulher forte faz a alegria de seu marido, e derramará paz nos anos de sua vida.
3 É um bom quinhão uma mulher bondosa; no quinhão daqueles que temem a Deus, ela será dada a um homem pelas suas boas ações.
4 Rico ou pobre, (o seu marido) tem o coração satisfeito, e seu rosto reflete alegria em todo o tempo.
5 Meu coração teme três coisas, e uma quarta faz empalidecer de pavor o meu semblante:
6 a denúncia de uma cidade, o motim de um povo,
7 a calúnia, coisas estas mais temíveis que a morte;
8 mas uma mulher ciumenta é uma dor de coração e um luto.
9 A língua de uma mulher ciumenta é um chicote que atinge todos os homens.
10 Uma mulher maldosa é como jugo de bois desajustado; quem a possui é como aquele que pega um escorpião.
11 A mulher que se dá à bebida é motivo de grande cólera; sua ofensa e sua infâmia não ficarão ocultas.
12 O mau procedimento de uma mulher revela-se na imprudência de seu olhar e no pestanejar das pálpebras.
13 Vigia cuidadosamente a jovem que não se retrai dos homens, para que não se perca, achando ocasião.
14 Desconfia de toda ousadia de seus olhos, e não te admires se ela te desprezar.
15 Como um viajante sedento abre a boca diante da fonte e bebe toda a água que encontra, assim senta-se ela em qualquer cama até desfalecer, e qualquer flecha abre sua aljava.
16 A graça de uma mulher cuidadosa rejubila seu marido,
17 e seu bom comportamento revigora os ossos.
18 É um dom de Deus uma mulher sensata e silenciosa, e nada se compara a uma mulher bem-educada.
19 A mulher santa e honesta é uma graça inestimável;
20 não há peso para pesar o valor de uma alma casta.
21 Assim como o sol que se levanta nas alturas de Deus, assim é a beleza de uma mulher honrada, ornamento de sua casa.
22 Como a lâmpada que brilha no candelabro sagrado, assim é a beleza do rosto na idade madura.
23 Como colunas de ouro sobre alicerces de prata, são as pernas formosas sobre calcanhares firmes.
24 Como fundamentos eternos sobre pedra firme, assim são os preceitos divinos no coração de uma mulher santa.
Can you give more scripture to this for the young and successful marriage.
I will be interested to have more scriptures for successful marriage
Psalm 128, in my opinion: a happy ideal. Also John 13:1-10, for the notion of humble service. Also John 15:9-16, a man or woman lays down his or her life for the spouse.
My Fiance and I are in the process of choosing the readings for our wedding. I came across this one and discarded it immediately like so many others. We would be reading it and a few lines in the reading I would say:’Next.”
You say that in your opinion is too bad that couples decide to discard some readings that are somewhat (I’m being moderate) controversial because of the sexist language. I took it as you are suggesting that by including them we would give the chance for these sexist messages to be discussed and therefore we would provide an opportunity for a more modern and mature conversation to happen. Is that what you meant? If yes, in general I would agree, however I do not think the the conversation actually happens. After the Gospel and the readings only the priest or homilist talks. It is not a discussion, rather a monologue. Again it is one interpretation and one perspective fed to a multitude of people who cannot challenge his view. Also it is again a male view. The Bible was written “by men for men” as you also commented: the priest is still a man, he is educated based on these texts in seminary where they are all men. I honestly do not trust what the priest is going to say in his homily. I recently went to three weddings in three different languages in three different countries and at each one of them I was puzzled by the homily and in two occasions I could have taken offence. The “conversation” the priests were having in their homily was perpetuating the sexist line that emerges from the readings.
I have no control over what the priest thinks, how he interprets the scriptures, neither I have control on what he is going to say. I do not want to inadvertently encourage one of those speeches, the same type that made me take drastic distance from the Church in my teenage…
Any reading that talks about “women” or “wives” does not qualify as a candidate for our wedding celebration mass.
is book of Sira is written by Saba Ablis? man woman couple not perfect couple and immorality
Attempting to lolcate this Passage From the Book of Sirach can you help me ” A loving partner is a safe shelter whoever finds one has found a rare treasure.”
chapter 6, verses 14-17