Alien Spawn: Marty Haugen, Al Gore, and Me

Well meaning people, including my beloved sister, send me e-mails from time to time. It seems that Madalyn Murray O’Hair is on the offensive against religion again. Or the planet Mars will appear bigger than the moon at its next opposition. Recently, I’ve enjoyed the one about the ACLU removing crosses from Arlington National Cemetery.

One of the new ones is the timing of the Roswell UFO incident with the birthdate of Nobel Laureate Al Gore. As this one gains traction, lots of conservatives have added other Democratic politicians to the list, some of whom were born before the US entered WWII. It seems that everybody on Ann’s or Rush’s spit-list was born in March 1948, nine months after strange things were spotted in New Mexico skies.

I wouldn’t discount the ability of aliens to develop time travel and deposit their spawn before and long after Roswell. But that factor does discount the alien takeover theory in the laugh department. (Actually, it makes me want to question what conservatives are mixing in their brandy and pipe tobacco.)

Surfing the web this morning, I see that even PhD’s aren’t immune from my sister’s e-mail missives. They don’t seem to have a sense of humor about it either. I wrote:

I also should point out that the gestation period of alien-human hybrids has never been determined by science. But I’ve heard such creatures gestate in negative time and that it takes exactly 367 days.

Whereupon my humorous host replied:

Oh, and you can add ‘Todd Flowerday’ to that eminent list; only, as he suggests, the gestation period doesn’t always really calculate, and certainly doesn’t in his case or PV2 model Marty Haugen replicants.

I should be gratified to be added to that list of public servants, though I hope nobody tells my wife I’ve been hanging with US senators. She gets nervous whenever I start getting political. She would actually prefer I be an half-alien homebody.

Caveat emptor when somebody is selling you the schtick that they’re a funny person. Real humor isn’t afraid to turn on itself. Only desperate people try to string out attempts at one form of funny business into a whole other field. Marty Haugen, Al Gore, and me. Clones of the conservative boogeymen. Makes a real connection on a Monday morning, don’t you think?

About catholicsensibility

Todd lives in Minnesota, serving a Catholic parish as a lay minister.
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