I was struck by Peter’s earnest support in today’s Passion reading:
Lord, I am prepared to go to prison and to die with you.
And we know how that ended.
I tell you, Peter, before the cock crows this day, you will deny three times that you know me.
I think any believer would say, in good times, that we are more than willing to suffer and make sacrifice. Maybe when it gets to crunch time, less so. Many of us see ourselves as a hero. It’s a nice thing to be. It’s part of a “right praise,” an orthodoxy. But how we actually perform–that may be another matter. Do we rely on God’s grace? I know when I have difficulties, it is very hard. It is easy to say when I sit in prayer, “I will be gentle, I will be just. I will be calm. I will stay awake.”
Ha! Even today I fell asleep during prayer. Twice I shook myself out of a midafternoon slumber to tell the Lord, “I’m still here.” But what I really meant was that the Lord was still there. Waiting for me to come back.
I’m grateful for the insight, though. I head into Holy Week with a moderately busy agenda–I mean for my spiritual life. I’ll need to take time for that, I know. And stay awake. I am prepared, but I will need grace to make it through.